2002-11-04

Not a tumor

Golly gee, I sure do love going to the doctor. That must be why I do it so much, right?

So, today I went to the ear, nose and throat doctor to get checked for vocal chord dysfunction. And, well, guess what??

It's not fucking vocal chord dysfunction! I could have told her that, and I didn't go to medical school! It's not her fault,though. The asthma doctor that insisted I go for this test was the one who thought my vocal chords were malfunctioning. The ENT doc was actually pretty cool.

Except for the part where she snaked a camera down my nose and throat. That wasn't very cool at all. No sir-e.I could have done without that part.

Anyway, after months of using asthma medications that do no good..... after not breathing properly with the assumption that I must have some kind of mutant tumor growing on my throat that will eventually strangle me to death in my sleep...Ladies and gentlemen we have a final diagnosis!

(drum roll)

Acid reflux!!!!

Huh? Acid reflux? What the hell? Well, apparently, the acid has been backing up onto my vocal chords and burning them. This has made the little guys inflammed and tired, so they don't close properly. Now all I need to do is take a prescription antacid every night for three weeks so the vocal chords can heal. I also have to avoid eating certain foods for the three weeks. Unfortunately, two of these foods is onions and tomatoes. (waaahh!) I also have to avoid spicy foods. (No indian or thai food. Double waah.) No peppermint...that includes peppermint tea.(triple waah.) Everything else on the "avoid" list I already do not eat, so there you go. Oh, I also have to eat at least three hours before bed. That's kind of annoying.

So it's not a tumor after all. Hah. I knew it all along.

This quiz is soooo wrong!



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