2005-08-27

Maybe I do need practice.

Today I saw two different stores on the brink of going out of business. I made purchases at both of the stores, too.
The first store is this awesome little used jeans store near our house. I've been buying jeans there for years. The jeans are used, but they are all in good shape, and nice and neatly listed by size. It's just easier than sifting through the jeans at the thrift store. A little more expensive, though. But what's eleven bucks for a good, worn in pair of levi's? Anyway, I haven't been there in a while because I have had zero money, even for used clothes. But as you might remember from my last entry, I've gained enough weight to have grown out of all my jeans, except for one pair. Well, I have to wash those sometimes! And as I was doing laundry today, I realized that I had to go out and pick up some product scans and even my rednecky jean shorts were being laundered. So, I stuffed myself into a pair of too-small jeans, put on a big shirt to cover up the fact that they were not zipped or buttoned, and I headed out to the jeans store.
There was a sign out front that read, "Closing our doors forever! Thanks for eleven great years!" When I walked in I asked the woman there when they were planning on closing. She told me Wednesday was their last day. I told her that I was sorry to see them go, and that I had bought jeans from them for years. She just gave me a look that said, "Yeah, well.... not often enough, sweetheart." and she told me that all jeans were 30% off the tag price.
As usual, I tried on about seven pair, hated about six of them, and settled on the only pair that fit me and didn't have crazy 1989 tapered legs. For a minute I thought I actually scored. I found a seemingly brand new pair of Lucky Brand Jeans , which are just jeans, but for some reason they cost something like $100 a pair at whatever stores the rich girls are shopping at these days. I had heard of them, but had never actually seen a pair before. But there they were, dark washed, straight legged, with a tag marked size 14. No way! That's my size! I try those bastards on, and I will tell you right now, that those were no goddamn size 14 jeans. They were more like a 9-10, at the most. What the hell was this? Some kind of plot to keep rich girls thin? These were the smallest size 14's ever! It made no sense! I checked the tag again.... yup, size 14. It took me about five minutes to talk myself out of buying them anyway, in the hopes that I would eventually lose weight and wear them. I remembered that I had a closet full of jeans that were too small, and I didn't need to spend $16 on another pair I couldn't wear. So instead I spent $8.85 on a pair of Levi's that were slightly out of date, but fit me well enough that I can actually sit down in them. I may have zero in the fashion sense department, but at least my pants are zipped up.
So later on, I went to the mailbox place, and I noticed that the dollar store next door is going out of business. The sign in the window said "Everything must go! All items $.33!" Well, I had to go in. $.33? I couldn't pass that up. Man, was that place picked through. There was hardly anything left on the shelves. I kept scanning the aisles, hoping to find a treasure amongst the ruins, and instead found a weird off brand of thousand island dressing, and really bad xmas decorations. They even had a greeting card section, and I couldn't find even one useable card. I didn't leave the store empty-handed, though. I did find a fantastic jesus nightlight. I also bought a box of staples. Now I wish I still had my gold membership, that way I could post a picture of the other items I bought. You know those plastic hook things with the adhesive backing that you can stick on a surface, like a bathroom door? Well, there was a whole box of individually wrapped hookie things that were in the shape of a crooked finger. I bought two of them. I wouldn't have been so taken by them had it not been for the packaging. On the bag it says: "Practice Finger. For Professionals." What?! A Practice finger?! Why would one need a practice finger? And why is it only for professionals? It seems to me the amateurs are the ones more in need of a practice finger. I would trust the professionals with the real fingers, probably. I wondered which catagory I would fall in. I mean, I've been using my own fingers now for 31 years. So based on that, I would be a professional. Then I wonder if this thing is actually made to be a dirty toy. A dirty toy! After all, it is a crooked finger. But again, it seems like the professionals are not the ones who need this.
But anyway. So, I go to pay for my jesus light, my staples, and my two practice fingers. The guy rings me up, then tells me that the fingers are actually 12-for-a-dollar. I told him I only wanted two. He looked irritated at this and said, "but they are only 12-for-a-dollar!" I laughed and said, "Now what would I do with that many fingers?" to which he replied, "Well, what are you going to do with those two?"
Touch�, dollar store man,Touch�.
I hardly ever go shopping, and the day I do, all of the stores are going out of business. Very strange.
Ken baked some kick ass cookies tonight. Don't you wish you were married to him? :P
Goodnight.