2003-07-04

The one where I go on and on about Ken

There are alot of things in my life that I feel grateful for. I am grateful that I live in a free country (happy 4th, woo!). I am grateful that I have a job, when so many others do not. I am grateful that I have a few good friends in my life. I am grateful that I have a sweet cat that loves me.

I am also very grateful to have someone in my life as special as Ken. I probably don't relay this to him enough, although if I told him every day I still don't think it would be enough. When Ken and I got involved two years ago, I had no idea how my life was going to change because of him. For the first time, I was being treated like I was a princess! He would cook me dinner, rub my shoulders, laugh at my jokes, give me little fairies with purple wings, and look me directly in the eyes and tell me that I was beautiful. And I actually believed him.

I fell in love with Ken very quickly. I remember being at a Crooked Fingers show at the Echo Lounge, sitting next to him on a bench. I felt his hand in my hand, and told myself that I never wanted to let go of him. He was perfect. After that, it seemed like nothing else bad in my life mattered. My crappy roommate situation, my crappy job situation, none of it mattered because I knew that Ken loved me stronger than anyone else ever had or ever would. My love was just as strong, and I soaked in his positive energy like a sponge.

So much has happened in two years that it kind of blows me away when I think about it. Ken asked me to move in with him, and I did. A few months later, Ken bought us a house to live in. He wants to marry me, and I cannot imagine my life without him. So now we are embarking on a new chapter in our lives. The ultimate commitment. I still love Ken as strongly as I did that first night at the Echo Lounge. My love for him is much more layered now, since we have shared our lives so closely, but I still feel an enormous sense of gratitude when he opens the car door for me (every single time), or brings me flowers when I am sick. When he hugs me as I walk in the door at night, and kisses me before bed, I am filled with a comfortable and happy feeling that I never want to lose.

I know that I am the fragile one in this relationship, and Ken is the rock. I don't like this role of mine, really. I want us to both hold each other up with equal weight. I want Ken to feel that I will always be there if he needs me, despite what I may be going through. I absolutely will. He's my other half, so it shouldn't be any other way. I can honestly say that Ken is the most important part of my life, and I am eternally grateful to have him.