2004-11-01

Need to want

I have been so very slack at updating my diary. The only excuse I have is poor time management. My work hours are mighty annoying, and I have a hard time living my life around them. Anyway.
I will be getting up bright and early in the morning to vote before I go to work. I certainly hope it doesn't take me four hours like it did christy13 on Friday for early voting. I better bring a snack, just in case.
I went to visit my mother yesterday. Yeesh. I love my mother dearly, but sometimes it is difficult to be around her. Usually when Ken is with me, she's on her best behavior. He's my buffer. But he had to stay home yesterday to wait for the delivery of the new dryer, so I went at it alone. When I'm by myself around my mom, she gives me the impression that she is somewhat unhappy with me. I can't really put my finger on it, but rather than feeling loved, I feel this weird tension, like I'm at fault for something. I have no earthly idea where the tension comes from, but it is thick, strange, and completely uncalled for. Or maybe I'm just nuts. But I do love my mother, with all of my heart. That's all I can do, I guess.
Whatever.
It was over eighty degrees today. November first, and it feels like June. That sucks. I want autumn back!
I need to better manage my time so I can go out for walks in the morning again. I need the exercise, and I need to be outside more. Need need need to make that happen. I need to want to make that happen. Stupid depression. Even when it's very mild (like it is right now), it just kills motivation if you let it. The bastard.
I'm sleepy. Better get to bed.