2005-08-01

Eh, I dunno.

Last night Ken and I went to a wedding shower for my friend M and her husband-to-be, A. I never know what to expect with functions involving M's friends, because she is the type of girl who makes friends with the whole world. Everyone who meets her usually loves her, and rightfully so. We had met her fiance before, and he is pretty much awesome as well. Ken and I agreed that it's good for us to get out and mingle with real people every once in a while, since I'm Ms.Social Anxiety, and he's a self proclaimed anti-social. So we showed up all smiles.
The shower was hosted by some friends of theirs, in a cute house in town. We walked up to a big front porch that was adorned with paper lanterns, antique fans, and protected by some kind of anti-mosquito incense and candles. Most of the guests were friends and co-workers of A, who is a professor at a nearby university. Considering this, Ken and I were both careful about dropping the "vegan" word when inevitably asked what we do for a living. The reason is that the university where these guys are doctors, happens to house one of the eight largest primate testing hell-holes in the country. The lab and the university itself is a big target for animal rights protestors . We know people can say they're vegetarian and not get looked at twice about it, but mention you're vegan and people are usually aware that's a claim to a pro AR stance. Of course I'm proud of who I am, and what I stand for, but a good friend's shower was certainly not the time or the place to potentially have a show down with someone, especially with us being the minority.
So, when we were asked what we do for a living, the stock answer was "we own an online retail store." Only one person asked what type of store it was, and I told him. He didn't look bothered by it. Unimpressed for sure, but not bothered. The same guy asked Ken what college he went to, but did not ask me. In a way I was glad, because I hate telling college educated people that I didn't attend college. It makes me feel like a dumb bumpkin. But I felt like that because he didn't ask me, too. Hmm. Sounds like my problem, and not his.
The next level of "spot the vegans" came as dinner was being served. The hosts had an old southern style going on, with the alt-country music on the speakers, and they kept the theme by serving pork BBQ, potato salad, and other various fixin's. We filled our plates with pretzel sticks and grapes, and graciously turned down the dessert tray of lemon bars and brownies.
A strange blast from my past happened , too. Years ago, M and I worked together for a photography company shooting youth sports. I did it as second job, and she ran the office and shot full time. She stayed friends with the owners of the company, and they were at the shower. I haven't seen those two in about seven years, after I quit rather abruptly. The job was grueling, usually involving 12 hour days in a hot baseball field, often with no bathroom or lunch breaks. It kept me alive in my early 20's, since I was so broke, but man it was really tough work. Anyway. The owners were always very nice to me and the other photographers and coordinators who worked for them, because they knew the work was hard, and there were probably better things a 22 year old girl could be doing.
So catching up with them at the shower was nice, but weird. It was hard not to think about other things going on in my life back then. My stomach problems were just peaking during those years, and I remember being awake half the night with IBS pains running through my intestines like waves, then waking up at 4AM to drive three hours to a shoot that would last all day, having coaches yell at me, screaming kids surrounding me, and coming home with a sunburned scalp. It was around that time when I had left a brutally abusive relationship, and was still working though a lease by myself on an apartment that he and I shared. I slept with a knife under my pillow, remembering how he warned me he would kill me if I ever left him.
Yeah, those were some bad times. And back then I thought I hid that stuff fairly well. Only a few people knew about my personal woes, as far as I knew. So the former bosses and I caught up, they met my wonderful husband, heard about our business, and all was well. As they were leaving, the wife part of that husband and wife team said, "I'm so glad that you are so happy now. I know you had some hard times back then." I had no idea what she was talking about, since I never shared my dirty laundry with her. But I guess some things you can't hide, no matter how much you smile.
Once the happy couple opened their presents, we decided to head out. It was after 10 o'clock at this point, and we were starving. We hit the 24 hour mostly veg restaurant nearby, and had burgers with green beans and broccoli. I always like going there with Ken, since it's the restaurant where we first met in person. We ate, and laughed about the uncomfortableness of the evening, then headed on home.
I wanted to stay in bed all day today, and I don't know why. I'm feeling pretty blue. I should be in bed now, but the glow of the computer monitor is keeping me awake. I have more demos scheduled this month, trying to keep myself busy and bring in some more money for us. Ugh. I better try to sleep, or tomorrow's demo might be extra annoying.