2005-05-23

Stupid Pruning.

If we suddenly become rich one day, the first thing I will do is hire a landscaping company. I dislike yard work so much. I hate sweating. Weeding, pruning, digging, mowing, etc. all of it sucks. The only kind of gardening I like is planting seeds, bulbs, or little plants. I went out with the electric trimmer and trimmed the hedges (literally, not figuratively!) for about an hour and a half. Since it was 87 degrees and humid while I was doing this, I felt like I was going to die after I was finished. Now my arms hurt. I'm such a pussy, man. I hate manual labor so much.
Speaking of us becoming rich, I wish. No. I don't want or need to be rich. I just want to be able to afford to get my hair cut regularly, and buy some clothes every now and then. Things are pretty tight right now, and they're only going to get tighter since we are losing our roommate in a few months. But we'll make it. I just have to keep doing those god-awful demos and working at my part time job, and Ken will keep doing his pain in the ass job too until our business picks up enough for us to do that exclusively. The day that happens will be a wonderful day!
I feel like I'm in such a rut right now. I've been so terribly depressed, I'm gaining weight, tired all the time, and I feel almost helpless in regards to my future. When our business is busy, I feel much better, but when it's slow, I yearn for the OLD lab days where I felt useful and talented. My self-worth has really taken a dive over the past few years, and I'm not sure how to get that back. I feel like all of the creativity has left my body. I have no inspiration to pick up my camera, draw a picture, or create anything. How sad is that? Even though I've never really been truely great at anything creative, I still got a satisfaction from attempting it.
So I would like to get that back. In fact, I probably need to get that back even more than I realize. I'll just have to try somehow.
My forearms hurt from the stupid pruning. I bet they will hurt worse tomorrow.