2005-08-09

life is like a box of dairy-free, no bone char sugar chocolates


I woke up early with Moe screaming at me as if he was starving to death. "Maaaaaaawwww! Maaaww! Maaawwww!" I got up to feed the boy, all groggy, with Tori's songs still playing in my head from the night before. I needed to get up anyway, since I had a dumb old demo to go to. I get ready, then head out to my demo, which happens to be at a store that I've only been to once, and that was something like three years ago. I keep a booklet of nice typed out directions to all the area stores in my glove compartment, so I wasn't worried. The store is in a part of town that I'm not too familiar with, but I can usually find my way around. Except for today, of course. I got seriously lost. The traffic was so bad, I was all white-knuckled gripping the steering wheel. I got caught in so much traffic, and I was already two hours late, that I decided to say "fuck it" (I'm sure I actually said that, too. I talk to myself a lot in the car.) and just go back. But I had been driving for so long that I had to pee like crazy. As I'm heading back, I'm trying to decide what public bathroom would be the least annoying to stop for. Barnes and Noble seemed like a good idea, but the parking lot looked like it might take too much time. Then I saw the store where I worked up until this past February. Eh, I can make it look like I was coming in to just say "Hi", and I can get a clean bathroom out of it. So I stop. I go in and say hi to the girls. I use the bathroom. I find my old boss and say hi to him. He got awfully excited. He asked me into his office and started trying to wheel and deal. He told me how they really need some help, and that I'm the one they want to take care of things. He implied that they would pay me more money than before, if I could come back for just a few days a week. Psh.
I started feeling depressed because I was actually considering it. So what if it meant I would be working two jobs, and demos, all while trying to run an online business? Who cares that I would never have a day off again? We really need the money! Then I came to my senses and decided not to. But what came out of my mouth was, "I'll think about it." I've thought about it, alright. I remember feeling like I could never do anything right when I was there. How the way that store was run really got on my damn nerves. How I was treated like an underling. No thank you.
I drove back to the office and checked the mail, and my spirits were lifted. We had been sent a sample copy of a cool new book written by a couple that were nice enough to place an order with us recently. I flipped to the back section of the book, and they actually have us listed under vegan online resources! A little store like us that's only been open for five months so far GOT A MENTION IN A REAL BOOK! Seeing this reminded me of why I don't need to waste my time with that old store when we have a business to grow! We may not be making a living with it by any means, but we are doing well for a little store that was only an idea a year ago. I am so proud of what we have done so far, and I can't wait to keep going with it. The demos and the part time job are helping pay the bills right now. They don't bring me happiness, they only bring our family some gas for our cars and some food for our bellies. But being successful at a business that actually means something to us, that's what happiness is.
That, and chocolate chip cookies. Cookies and happiness go hand in hand.